There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
