its not stalking. its research.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
