I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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