haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
