apparently the secret to your success is patron
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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