these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
