I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They have beer where we have blood.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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