i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
