clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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