dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
