I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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