it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
