there's paper in my vomit.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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