Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Everything about him screamed your future.
this will be a night to untag.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
