im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
