Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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