i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
this hospital has no fireball
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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