guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
