Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
