he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
