If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
