He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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