two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
