Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
