I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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