I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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