I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
