decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
