I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
