the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
