I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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