Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
