ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
