When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
