I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
