Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
