have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Success! We fucked roommates!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
