White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
