i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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