the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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