Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
