she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
