He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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