My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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