I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
