ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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