i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
