Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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