i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
me + whiskey = a bad person
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One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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