If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She bit a glass in half.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.