Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize