My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.