I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to calm my uterus...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad