just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.