I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
