My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
