Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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