im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
