I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
