it wasn't lemon gatorade
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
