But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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