I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
