put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize