the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
two words: eviction party
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
