$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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