How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
