what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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